I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
