You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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