My hand turned me down
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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