My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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