dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Are we still banned from the library?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
