Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
