She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
