so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
