Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
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I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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