Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
