I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize