bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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