just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
