Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
