i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
