I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
