Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
