The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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