Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize