I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
