Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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