I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
