Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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