please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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