Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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