just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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