I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
