It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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