it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
