My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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