Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
