someone get that fucking seahorse.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
