We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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