They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
