my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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