Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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