We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
