just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
