I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Damn victory sex feels great
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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