I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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