I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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