Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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