I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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