She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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