My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
