Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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