Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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