Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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