Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
