I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
