my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
