I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
