It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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