We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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