well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
