ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize