My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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