the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
