1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
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I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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