??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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