too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
