We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well you can't waste a boner
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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