Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
