sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
