my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
