I think I am morally bankrupt
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
