ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
