holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
