Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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