TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
