currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
