Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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