I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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